forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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