so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
