not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
