i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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