i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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