oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
