apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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