You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
