just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
