Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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