Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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