I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
