I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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