You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
