he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
handjob tips. give me some.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
