i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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