help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
