textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
