if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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