Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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(515): View more from Iowa

Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

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(269): View more from Michigan

I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(481): View more from

I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster

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(353): View more from

Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.

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(904): View more from Florida

Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice

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