It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.