It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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