I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?