I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.