She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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