No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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