He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love you. Go after that dick
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