Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
