i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
