He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
