I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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