What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
