how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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