he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
