People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
