i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
