Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
