A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
