And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
