i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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