It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
