I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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