He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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