There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think people are normalizing furries
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
