New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
