He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
