I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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