I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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