She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
