What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
