I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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