I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
