shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's blow job season.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
