i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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