I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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