I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
