My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
