I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
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I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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