I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize