Just fell off a train. Bad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
