Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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