Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
