I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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