God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
