The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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