She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
