I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
