Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
