oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
