Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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