I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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