I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
