i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
