Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
