I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize