Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
