So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
