You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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