I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
